Feb. 21, 2004
“What should I do with my
life? Am I on the right path? What is it about my career that I cannot
see? Or other manifestation?” (Re an ailment of the eye.)
Karen: All sorts of stuff came to mind... but it all
sounded too much like me. Then I got
this...
Guides: Are you on the right path? For someone who isn’t sure
of that, you’ve made some very major decisions.
You said that you can’t
allow your arms to be pushed silently [meaning, muscle-testing by the Three-in-One method, using just thought-questions, not spoken questions; I and another friend do it all the time] because you don’t trust yourself. Why is that?
Do you think your self would lie to you?
That is always a choice, to lie or tell the truth, so why would you choose to lie
to you?
If you feel, or fear, that
there is something corrupt within you, there may well be. However, it’s crucial—absolutely crucial, for
you—to remember that it is not you. We
all (and here we speak from our experience as incarnate beings) have our negative
influences, but they are not the essential us, the core that is who we truly
are. They might be destructive thought
patterns learned in childhood, or past lives... they might be genetic
susceptibilities... they might be entities.
And in fact these can all be the same.
But they are no more us than our clothes are. And we can cast any of them off with an act
of will... because they are not us.
You were
trained to think of God as an oppressive authority... God as a child abuser... that
“for your own good” is in truth an excuse for people with power over you
to take out sadistic urges on you, that “I
love you” means “I have your permission to exploit and use you.” Love and consideration of another’s good are
divine things, whether they come from incarnate or discarnate beings, and they
have been distorted for you.
You are still struggling
with that, and the idea that your greater self (forget the word “higher”), the
one that has the divine connection, is really a big joyless bean counter who
wants to stop you from having any fun.
Freud added to this idea with the oppressive, rigid “Id”... really,
there was no part of the psyche he identified as being genuinely good... and the mental health field
grew out of that and its ideas have trickled into popular consciousness. So it’s not only in the way you
were raised, which was tinged with the selfishness of your mother, but all
around. Thus a tradition which holds
that some part of us is genuinely divine and good and loving is still
considered “alternative.” You are right
in seeking out other traditions, alternatives to this culture’s—neopaganism,
Zen, Buddhism—which teach that a direct divine connection is possible.
Karen has exactly the same issue, of having been
cut off from a loving God and trying desperately to reconnect... words we gave to her: now that you have opened your connection
more, you can feel very directly how fear closes it. Fear is an attribute of the incarnate only;
our “meat” in its natural urge for self-preservation concerns itself with its
survival. Thus material fear—fear of not
enough to sustain the meat, which translates into fear of lack of money, fear
of lack of security, etc.—makes the mind focus on itself and distracts it away
from what is spiritual. Thus, imagine
how the lack of love and security in your family when you were a child so
completely distracted you from the spiritual... on top of the forbiddance against
believing in it anyway. That is what you
are challenged with. You came into this
life determined to reconnect with the Gods, from whom you cut yourself off long
ago in self-punishment... and so you chose an upbringing which would force you
to focus your attention, ultimately, on the spiritual. Each time you face fear while seeking the
spiritual, you mind harks back to all that, hence the challenge.
You feel that your
experience connects with another much more huge than your own because this is
the state of your entire culture and society.
Your relationship
with Karen was entirely fraught with this issue, which was fraught with extreme
fear for both of you as you challenged yourselves to process it, and which you
never really became conscious of as a issue that you shared, so that it ended
up as an issue between you. (All common issues which are not shared consciously
by a couple will become issues between them.) Alas, you did not co-ordinate and support each other in
these efforts, but competed instead, due to the negative emotional baggage
attached to the quest by your respective upbringings. As well, neither of you wanted to deal with
the material, you both wanted to focus on the spiritual, which is why you had
such arguments over the material... money, housework, etc. ...at the same time
both of you found seeking the spiritual frustrating and frightening. You also felt that Karen was succeeding
in her spiritual search at your expense.
What both of you need to do, actually, is to
find the way to harmonize spiritual and material. Find a way to make enough money that also
satisfies your spiritual sides. The key
to this is absolutely internal. You won’t
find it by trying to think up ideas. You
have to continue the spiritual path.
The book you are writing is the path you are taking, and it’s a hard
path, which is why writing the book is like pulling teeth. The difficulty of [main character's] quest to find a loving
God in the midst of a corrupted tradition, culture and personal background is
the difficulty of your own. He hurts
because he fights it, and so do you.
(And it’s natural, everyone fights it.)
Thus when you ask “Am I on the right path”—yes,
we always are; it’s just made tortuous by our meat concerns or by
self-punishing or what-have-you.
Understanding what that path is is the way to make sense of your life,
to understand why you are suffering and to lessen the suffering (which you do
to some degree just by understanding it), and to clarify the future.
Career? Guides: you’d be best to get out of
[workplace] because the place is full of negative energy and all the shenanigans
of the management, etc., are wearing you down by constantly kindling your
anger.
Which raises the question:
how to make enough money to make up the shortfall?
Believe you are
worth it. You tend to wait for others to
confirm to you that you are worth your pay, rather than declaring to them that
you are, because you find it hard to believe in yourself without the
confirmation of others. However, people
won’t confirm that you are worth your pay unless you convince them to try your
work in the first place.
Karen: What are you not
seeing? Or seeing that you’d rather
not? ???
Drawing a blank. Suspect it’s the
wrong question. I keep thinking the eye
is somehow connected with anger, so maybe the guides are whispering that to me. [My ex did not try again with a different question or respond to this at all.]
Karen: Relationships? I thought I’d get absolutely nothing here...
that my guides would declare conflict of interest ;-)
But they didn’t.
Guides: One person’s greatest good can never be in conflict with another’s greatest
good. Thus, since it’s the greatest good
we are always advising toward, we can never be in conflict of interest. We are not more loyal to any one person than
another because everyone’s greatest good is really one.
Be with those who are in true accord with your search to
reconnect with a loving God.
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